R8. Apache Nights by Sheri WhiteFeather

(Sorry again about the delay in posting, everybody! I know you're all waiting on tenterhooks every week for the new review to be posted, and I'll try very hard to not let this happen again. -M.R.)

Apache Nights (Silhouette Desire)Pages: 187

Pairing: homicide detective and Apache warrior/junk dealer
First Sentence: Where in the hell was he?
Climax: And when they climaxed at the same moment, at the very same instant, the rest of the world seemed to disappear, fading into nothingness.

Oh my God. Oh. My. God. I think I may have a new favourite book. I think I need to read everything Sheri WhiteFeather has ever written. Ohmigod. Listen:

Joyce Riggs (a weird name choice, I picture a "Joyce" as being like 70 years old) is a beautiful LA homicide detective, 36 years old, who feels like she's sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off (!!!) thanks to her ticking biological clock. To work through her angst, she goes to see Kyle Prescott, a 6'4" half-Apache Desert Storm veteran, who now does combat training and deals junk, and is part of a mysterious "Warrior Society." Also he's kind of strange, as personified by his dogs Bonnie and Clyde, a miniature dachshund and a rottweiler, respectively.

Joyce and Kyle quickly give in to the fireworks that started between them even before the beginning of the book: they met eight months prior on some kind of case involving Kyle's ex-girlfriend who is an honest-to-God native psychic and "almost a witch," whatever that means. I am not kidding. Kyle indulges Joyce's kinky side—bondage and blindfolding, both of which I've been on the internet way too long to be shocked by—and also makes her laugh with dirty jokes and odd behaviour. I.e. he plays with kids' toys.

To absolutely no one's surprise, Kyle and Joyce start developing feelings for one another. As if the obstacle of Joyce's independence wasn't enough, Kyle's Warrior Society does these covert ops where they steal native artifacts from collectors, and that's definitely not okay with Joyce. For some reason I can't quite remember, Kyle goes to see his ex-girlfriend to get a reading about Joyce, and his ex-girlfriend tells him that he and Joyce will get married and she'll have his baby. This freaks him out, so Kyle breaks things off.

Then Joyce gets misplaced for an evening (she spends the night crying at her sister's and loses her cellphone), and Kyle realizes how much he cares about her, and they reconcile and decide to get married and have a baby. The whole militant thievery thing is given up in basically a heartbeat, and they hand out Halloween candy and live happily ever after.

I'm afraid I haven't been able to capture all the nuances and awesomeness of the plot, but really it must be read to be believed. Even if characterization and plotting are as heavy-handed as usual, I'm pretty sure this book can improve race relations, solve mysteries, and cook you a gourmet supper. It's that good.

See you in my dreams, Kyle Prescott. (Seriously though, not at all.)

(Just to prove that this book is super awesome, instead of picking out quotations I'm just going to choose five random pages [using excel's =RANDBETWEEN() function] and pick out whatever I can find. The numbers: 24, 71, 83, 106, 111. Give me more numbers, and I will give you more quotes.)

24: She knew she shouldn't let him. But she was curious to taste him.  One long, lingering jolt. One forbidden flavor.

71: She gave in and grabbed the condoms. She poked through the box, raising her eyebrows at him when she came across a glow-in-the-dark style.

83: The lady cop and her lover.

106: His climax triggered hers, and for the second time that morning, she burst like a water fountain.

111: "What does he do?"
Uh-oh, she thought. Here comes the tricky part. "He's a junk dealer."

Bonus!: Still, she battled the hurt, the loneliness, the pain-wrenching loss.


  1. You probably think that because my grandma's name is also Joyce, Megan.

    Also I can't believe you didn't do page 69.

  2. Ahahaha, probably.

    Unfortunately page 69 only has about three lines on it. Here it is, with a bit from 68 in brackets:

    [If she wanted to eat him alive, he would let her.
    But he didn't know if she was going to take the] next step, if she would actually invite him to her bed. Kyle didn't take anything for granted.
    Especially women.